The Perfect Mother

An Angel kissed my cheek today,
He said "I love you Mom, I'm ok." 
At first I thought I was dreaming,
Until I saw a bright light beaming.

I heard him whisper in my ear,
I've come to get a few things clear.
I know you worry you did something wrong,
I know how hurt your heart is Mom.

I see your tears when others do not,
I hear over and over your same thought. 
You think somehow, some way or another,
you should have been a better mother.

Please feel my presence here today.
Please believe me when I say,
For me there could be no other.
For me YOU are the Perfect Mother!

Don't you remember? Don't you see?
I chose you and you chose me!
Remember Mom, we chose together.
Our perfect love will last forever!

My Son, My Angel.... Steven 

1983 - 2015

I am changed... forever. I'm carving out my 'new normal' moving forward in a world without two of my best friends... my children. Steven and Shaniel.

Life is not the same as I remember it not so long ago. It's different without children you bore, raised, and loved their entire lives. Just under 3 years apart, both were 32 years of age at the time of passing. Both left small families behind (my son, his wife). And a grieving mother. A father. And siblings. Countless family members and friends. My heart has been shattered for the second time in less than 3 years. Not everyone will understand who reads this... but someone, somewhere... just may. My heart goes out to them.

In any given moment, the reality of losing two children will hit me like a freight train and leave me feeling broken... both body and soul. I am left wondering how can I go on? It's FAITH !  One simple word whispers quietly, yet with conviction, in my ear... and, with courage and new strength, I pick myself up and carry on. It's in our Savior's atonement that I find peace, comfort, hope, faith, healing, forgiveness, and love. And I know my two precious children... my Angels, are able to do the same. Perfect Love binds us together. Perfect Love is eternal. And I am forever changed.

...until we meet again.

Six Word Fridays: Purple

Purple was her very favorite color.

How ironic that the color purple

also represents "Domestic Violence Awareness" month. 

Purple roses placed ever so gently 

and reverently on her casket... reminding 

us that life is, indeed, precious. 

Purple was her favorite color. 

And now reminds me everyday... of 

her presence, her grace, her laughter

and more. Memories of sweet Shaniel

are lasting and eternal... kept near

my heart. And what joy it 

will be when we reunite and 

begin again where we left off.

We'll hug and shed tears of 

joy... and reminisce about the days

on earth. But knowing her it 

won't last long. We'll be off 

in a flash to explore the 

beyond.... just like we used to

sweet daughter of mine. Love you! 

We lost Shaniel February 10, 2013 from an act of domestic violence. Her husband killed her.

Shaniel was a nurse by profession and a loving mother of four beautiful children. 

After her funeral, at the graveside, each of her co-workers placed a purple rose on her casket and gave a beautiful tribute. It reads...

Nursing is a calling, a lifestyle, a way of living. Nurses and co-workers here today honor Shaniel and her life as a nurse. Shaniel is not remembered by her years as a nurse, but by the difference she made during those years by stepping into people's lives and caring whole heartedly for her patients.

When a calming, quiet presence was all that was needed, she was there...

In the excitement and miracle of birth or in the mystery and loos of life, she was there...

When a silent glance could uplift a patient, family member or friend, she was there...

At those times when the unexplainable needed to be explained, she was there...

When the situation demanded a swift foot and sharp mind, she was there...

When a gentle touch, a firm push, or an encouraging word was needed, she was there...

To witness humanity - it's beauty, in good times and bad, without judgement, she was there...

To embrace the woes of the world, willingly and offer hope, she was there...

And now, that it is time to be at the Greater One's side, she is there...

Shaniel, we honor you this day and give you a white rose to symbolize our honor and appreciation for being your nursing colleague. We love and miss you.

In memory of Shaniel 

March 4, 1980 - February 10, 2013

Six Word Fridays: Precious

Who doesn't love the rain and

puddles and the innocence of kids!

Ben had a short, but precious

conversation with his mother about the

things that matter most in life.

Puddles, Rain, and Creator of all.

Ben: "Mom, does it make Jesus happy when it rains so we can jump in puddles?"

Mommy: "I'm sure it makes Jesus happy when you jump in puddles!"

precious

Facebook Profile Picture

I have had this profile picture on my Facebook page since February 2013. It is a picture of myself and daughter Shaniel. The picture was taken at Thanksgiving Point Gardens in Lehi, Utah in April of 2009.

It's been a tradition to meet as a family at Thanksgiving Point for a day of picnicking and wandering through the beautiful tulip gardens. Four of my children were able to attend that day. I bought each of the granddaughters fairy wings. The grandsons and granddaughters all got butterfly nets. 

Soon the kiddos were fluttering wildly among the brightly colored tulips, chasing butterflies with their nets. They were the talk of the gardens. There were ooohs and ahhhs, and "where did you get these darling little fairies?,and how cute!" Garden enthusiasts wanted to know where they could buy the wings and nets. Sadly, I had to tell them I did not purchase them at Thanksgiving Point Gardens. It was my own idea and I had bought them at a store in my hometown. So... the gardens were filled with just my own little fairies that day. And did they ever steal the show! Maybe even more so than the beautiful tulips themselves.

Why did I choose this as my profile picture? Because... it keeps my heart close to this dear and precious daughter. Shaniel was murdered by her husband in February of 2013. It brings me great comfort to see her and I, mother and daughter, enjoying one of the many days of being together. As well as being together as a family... all of us.  

This picture keeps Shaniel's memory close to my heart and soul. It's like she's here. So close. I can hear her laughter, feel her touch, watch her run and play with the kids with energy and excitement. I am reminded of her unique ways of making every event a holiday to remember. 

I don't see myself replacing this Facebook profile picture anytime soon, and maybe never. Love and miss my Shaniel...

Writing Prompt #5:  Share the story behind your current Facebook profile picture.

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I am a Pioneer!

We often think of a Pioneer as an ancestor who joined the church in a far away land, sailed across the seas, and made the trek across the plains to the Rocky Mountains with other saints. Their journey was long and hard. It took great courage and faith. It took determination, commitment, and sacrifice. Their journey was not without trial and tribulation. Many faced hunger, exposure, and death. Yet, they came! Our ancestors paved the way through an unknown territory in order for us, their posterity, to enjoy the lives we have today. How grateful I am for those faithful ancestors!

The Pioneers arrived in the Salt Lake Valley on July 24th, 1847. That was 168 years ago today. Once our ancestors arrived in the Salt Lake Valley, they toiled and labored with all their might to build up Zion. It would not take long for the desert to, indeed... "blossom like a rose."

With all the modern advances of today, we wonder if we could ever be a Pioneer. The answer is "yes!" Every day presents an opportunity to be a Pioneer. So what is a Pioneer? "If you are the first, you are a Pioneer."

Familysearch.org issued a challenge to share how we are a Pioneer today. As I thought about my life, it took me back to a time that posed trials and hardship on every end, but also opened up many wonderful opportunities for growth as I maneuvered through unknown territory.

My Pioneer story is dedicated to my father, who was also born on Pioneer day... July 24, 1928. He was my inspiration!

My father was the first member of, not only his immediate family, but also extended family, to receive a college education. He was a Pioneer. As a child I often went to the bookcase and looked at the book he had written from his college days. I would pick it up with wonder and awe at the vast knowledge that was contained in the thickest book I had ever seen. It was then that the seeds of education were planted in my mind.

However, the opportunity to attend college never came until I found myself in the most difficult of circumstances in my life. After 12 years of marriage, it was over. I suddenly found myself alone to take care of five small children. I had two choices. Either curl up in a corner and watch the world go by, or do something about it. I chose to do something about it! With the encouragement of loving parents, I headed off in a direction that would change mine and my children's lives forever. School!

I moved my family to Logan, UT and started an adventure that took me into unknown territory. It was hard raising five small children alone, attending college full time, and working part-time. My ward became my family. How grateful I was for them. My journey was long and hard. It took great sacrifice, commitment, and determination. It took faith and courage. I had many trials and hardships along the way that left me wanting for the simple days I once knew. Many nights I cried myself to sleep, when the children were safely tucked into bed. Prayer was my lifeline to press forward with faith. I knew my Father In Heaven loved me and was mindful of our needs. I persisted in achieving my goal to graduate from college with a degree that would afford me the opportunity to care for my family.

Five years later, in 1995, I graduated with a B.S. degree in FACS Education and a minor in Nutrition. I re-married my last year of school. Four years later, I earned my M.S. degree and was able to fulfill a life-long dream of becoming a county Extension Agent for USU. As I placed my own book upon the library shelf, thoughts instantly took me back to dad's book that I used to admire with awe and wonder. And now... I could add mine to it!

My brothers followed in dad's footsteps and earned college degrees. All of my sisters started college. They married and started their families, never finishing.

I went to college under the most difficult of circumstances and I finished. I am a Pioneer! I was the first girl in my family to accomplish this. When I look back and think about all the hardships and trials during that time in my life, my heart swells with gratitude in spite of them. Not only for the growth I experienced along the way, but for the opportunities that opened up. Mostly I am grateful that I showed my children the way... that even when sore trials come upon them... they can choose to stay faithful and committed. They, too, can be a Pioneer!

And thank you dad... for showing me the way. Happy Birthday!

Dad's (Jim Bates) graduation from USU, 1959

That's me (Carol) in my mother's arms

We all have a Pioneer story. Please share your's in the comments.

See the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing "Come, Come, Ye Saints" to an inspiring video at http://www.mormontabernaclechoir.org/videos/come-come-ye-saints-mormon-tabernacle-choir.html?

Staying Cool

When the temperatures climb to over 100 degrees, there's only one place to go....

The Splash Pad

Ice cream helps, too!

Beat the heat... Stay cool!

Writing prompt #2: Write a blog post inspired by the word: cool

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PERU was no vacation!

The Explorer (the hubs) and I just back from a trip to Peru. We went with Judd Tours out of SLC. Our tour guide was host to 60 of us. 

Peru is a third world country. I was not prepared to see people living in deplorable conditions, with no plumbing or electricity. Many of their homes were no more than a shack. Barely a roof over their heads. Only in the large cities could you see any kind of modern civilization.

The food was good but took some adjusting to. Rice, fresh fish, vegetables, and fruits. All meals were made with whole foods. It was my first time to see a real banana and coconut tree. You could not drink the water or even brush your teeth with it. We drank bottled water the entire time. Most of our group took turns being "sick". Our immune systems in America are weak.

We were entertained with tribal music and dance. It was great! We had native tour guides who were knowledgeable and passionate about their heritage.

We traveled by plane, by bus, by boat, and hiked and walked and walked. It was a lot of work. We went from sea level to over 16,000 feet in a few days time. We saw three volcanoes placed in close proximity and known as the "ring of fire."

Some of the places we visited - 

Machu Picchu, Inca ruins and one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Amazing!

Lake Titicaca, Puno. Floating islands.

Amazon. Here we saw first hand how tribes live in the jungles along the Amazon. We fished for prana with sticks, a line and hook with meat on it. And, by the way, Explorer caught the first one and I caught the second two! No one else on our boat caught any, so we were feeling quite lucky. We saw a rare pink dolphin jump out of the water. Monkeys jumped from the trees onto our shoulders. We saw a poisonous frog, macaws, large anaconda and boa constrictor snake. The jungle was green, wet, and humid and filled with creepy crawly things. 

My favorite place to visit were the floating islands on Lake Titicaca. The small islands are made up of reeds and new ones need to be added every 15 days to keep the island afloat. There are about 100 small islands on the lake. 

The island we visited housed three families. Each owned a reed hut that was about 10x10 feet. We were invited into the president's hut. It had two beds and poles above to hold clothes. Everything else is done outside in the middle of the island. Cooking, crafting, playing, visiting, and entertaining visitors like us.

The natives could speak no English but that did not stop them from friendly chat and telling us the story of life on the islands. They used props to help tell the story. Our tour guide, which accompanied us throughout Peru interpreted for us.

The people on the islands drink the lake water, which is salty, therefore they retain a lot of water. They have to row 5 minutes away for bathroom needs. 

The people in Peru have very little but it is evident they are happy people. You see lots of smiles!

A few pictures from the Floating Islands, Lake Titicaca

A young boy plays with the fish.

The tribal people wear colorful clothing. Lots of layers of colorful skirts, and large pom poms at the bottom of their braids.

The President and his wife.

Ducks were part of island life.

We were invited into the President's hut which had two beds and poles overhead to drape their clothing over. 

Larry and Anna. Anna is stitching a colorful tribal scene on cloth, getting it ready to sell.

The children attend school on its own island. We took the children gifts brought from America. They sang us songs and showed us their school. It was so rewarding seeing the smiles on their faces.

The Explorer and I. The Col. retired his army gear for traveling gear. Let the adventures begin!

If you want to learn more about the Floating Islands, click here and here.

Our next trip, and I call them trips because they are no vacation, is to China in October. To explore another country, to experience a foreign culture, to adjust to extreme elevation and climate conditions, experience diet changes, to hike in rugged and uneven terrain, and being on the go constantly is no picnic. I didn't start my vacation until I got back home!

But... the rewards of trips like these are the people you meet, the friendships forged, and a better understanding of the world we all live in. We really are all alike!

Writing prompt #2: Write a blog post inspired by the word: vacation.

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Quotes

With Mother's Day just around the corner, I found these quotes that resonate the way I feel about my mother, my daughters as mothers, and myself as a mother.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. -Rajneesh

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. -Washington Irving

Being a mother means that your heart is no longer yours; it wanders wherever your children do. - Author Unknown

"Women who make a house a home make a far greater contribution to society than those who command large armies or stand at the head of impressive corporations. Who can put a price tag on the influence a mother has on her children, a grandmother on her posterity, or aunts and sisters on their extended family?" -Gordon B. Hinkley

Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing. -Toni Morrison, Beloved, 1987

Writing prompt #4: Share a quote you love.

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Six Word Fridays: cup

Cut lilacs for my daughter's grave.

The cup in the vase was 
far too small. It would take 
an arm full of lilacs... and 
a thousand more! To place by
your side... my angel, my love.
I'll visit you oft until we 
meet again, bringing beautiful fresh 
flowers to remind me of you. 

cup

Bloom

We built our house in our fruit orchard. We are surrounded by many trees. Trees that bloom at the signal of Spring. The apricot trees are the first to bloom. One by one the blossoms pop open until there are clusters and clusters of flowers, making it look like "popcorn popping on the apricot tree!" 

Rows and rows of trees. Rows and rows of blossoms... bringing to life the miracle of Spring.

Spring Love!

Peach trees have various colors of pink blossoms. The white meat peach produces the most brilliant pink blossoms.

Cherry trees line our driveway, showing off clusters of beautiful white flowers. 

If it gets below 28 degrees F., the blooms freeze. Sure sign of frost is brown petals. This year we lost all of our apricot  and plum crop. Most of our cherry crop and some of our peach crop. Sad. But on the up side... it will give our trees the must needed break from producing fruit after a hard summer with very little water. The fruit will be more than beautiful next year!

Bushes in the yard are the next to bloom. I love the creeping purple and pink flowers planted among the beds and rocks. They bring color and excitement to the landscape after winter's rest.

Flowers are my favorite kind of bloom. You've heard the phrase...

Bloom where you're planted!

 We can liken ourselves to potted plants. Either bloom or wither away where planted.

We all have different backgrounds, personalities, and set of circumstances that make us unique. Our lives can be full of vibrant color, joyful moments, and lasting memories if we choose to bloom where we are planted. Every time I look at a flower, a bloom, I am reminded of how beautiful my life is. Even amidst the rain and storms that come, I know the sun will shine once again and tomorrow will be a new day. Joseph B. Wirthlin penned a quote I like to live by..

Come what may and love it!

Yes... it is love. It's a positive attitude. It's looking at the glass half-full. It's a grateful heart.

Bloom where you are planted. and everything will be beautiful!

Writing prompt #4: Write a blog post inspired by the word: Blossom

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Remembrance Walk

Beautiful memories of my daughter inspire me to speak out, educate, help, and share her story...

Shaniel's Story

Her story ended tragically. Too soon. She was the victim of domestic violence. It was an

evil, selfish act. Her husband took her away from her children. Her family. All those who loved her. Shaniel did not die in vain. She left a legacy of love and beautiful memories of a life well lived. Her death has inspired us, her family, and so many more to stand up and advocate against domestic violence. 

A remembrance walk will be held in honor of Shaniel Donaldson on Saturday, April 25, in Price, Utah. It will start at 10:00 a.m. at the Price River Walkway. The walk is hosted by Miss Carbon County, Celeste Smith.

Shaniel was my daughter. My beautiful daughter! She was also a mother to four beautiful children, a sister, granddaughter, aunt, niece, friend, and nurse. She had so much to live for. She had so much more to do in life. I miss her every single day. I love her. All those who loved her and had the privilege of knowing her miss her. 

Domestic Violence is an evil sickness sweeping every community across the nation. It affects everyone. We need to become pro-active in spreading the harmful and often times fatal effects of domestic violence. We need to do our part in stopping behaviors of domestic violence. It must start in every home. Abusive tendencies and behaviors should not be tolerated in any way. 

To read more on this event click on the link below

http://www.castlecountryradio.com/Miss-Carbon-County-Hosts-Walk/21412420

In loving memory

Shaniel Kaye Donaldson (1980-2013)

Writing prompt #4: Write a blog post inspired by the word: inspired

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Quotography: cuckoo

"...a voice so thrilling ne'er was heard in spring-time from the

cuckoo-bird, breaking the silence..."   William Wadsworth

I've never hear a real cuckoo-bird, but I am reminded every single day what it sounds like when it sings. We have a cuckoo clock from the Black Forest of Germany, where the cuckoo-bird is prevalent. Every hour the cuckoo-bird comes out of it's door to sing the time. If I ever go back to Europe in the spring-time I will have to listen carefully for the song of the cuckoo-bird.

Easter

We have a tradition at our house on Easter. It's centered around the kids... from youngest to oldest! Everyone participates in this fun event. What do we do?

Roll colored Easter eggs down the hill.

The eggs are boiled, colored, and carefully placed in the grass filled wooden bowl. We sit them on the counter for all to admire while we eat dinner. Afterwards, we have an Easter egg hunt. Then, at the conclusion of the hunt, the kids get their colored eggs and roll them down the grassy hill in front of the house.

All fun and games... rolling, chasing... rolling, tumbling... 

Until... crash! It wasn't the bump on Emmy's behind that hurt. It was the egg that cracked!

Such a sad little face.

The last thing little Em expected was a broken egg. She went to big sister for sympathy. She told her sad, sad, story.

No promptings here! Big sister made it all better and traded her unbroken egg for the broken egg. What a joy to watch. I'd say that was the truest kind of sisterly love! 

All's well that end's well!

Writing prompt #2: Easter recap.

Writing prompt #4: Write a blog post inspired by the word: break

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