Sick

I am an optimistic person for the most part. I look at the glass half-full rather than half-empty. I tend to look at the world through rose colored glasses. I don't deal with stress very well. I try to avoid it. Sure, there have been times in my life that are painful to think about, and I wondered at the time if I would ever get through it. But I do. I usually don't write about things that take me into a dark time in life. But, today I will be brave. I will write it and never, ever go there again.

The last time you were sick...

I've been a pretty healthy person most of my life. It was hard to relate to all the commercials advertising the latest and greatest pill for a cure-all. I had really never been sick. Maybe a cold, here or there. Not much else. I am lucky to be married to an agriculturist who has a green thumb. And, I myself, have a Home Economics degree with a minor in food and nutrition. We have always grown a garden, and have a fruit orchard with every fruit we can possibly grow here in the Western U.S. We are surrounded with good things to eat. A healthy diet is one key to good health. So, I really never worried too much about my health. Until...

last year. A nagging UTI led me into surgery to repair my bladder. I had a hard time recovering, and had to continue for another 2 months on antibiotics to rid myself of infection. Another couple of months went by. In December, abdominal pain hit me. Was sent to the hospital for a CT. Di.ver.ti.cu.li.tis. I had a lot to learn about the disease. I would go through another 2 rounds of antibiotics to rid the infection. It was painful. Changed my bowel habits. I was put on a liquid diet. Also... no dairy, no fat, no oils (from gall stones also found during an ultrasound). I lost 20 lbs in two weeks. I was weak and nauseous. I had severe pain and cramping. Couldn't even get to the bathroom on time. All I could do is lay on the bed and stare at the wall. No appetite, food tastes bad. Couldn't even read a few pages from a book or get on the computer. I knew I was sick... really sick. Back to the doctor. Put in the hospital. Extremely dehydrated. Lacked phosphorous, potassium, magnesium. IV fluids in both arms. Put on the nuclear weapons (how my doc put it) of all antibiotics. If this won't kill it once and for all, nothing will. Found out that all the antibiotics I had taken for so long, took all the good bacteria out of my gut and replaced it with the bad stuff. C-dif. A horrible infection I would not wish on my worst enemy (not that I have any). A week long stay in the hospital. Sent home on another 10 days of the strong antibiotics. 

A couple of very early mornings in the hospital I felt so bad I prayed my mother would be allowed to come down from heaven and wrap her loving and comforting arms around me, wipe away my tears, and tell me everything was going to be all right. I cried myself to sleep several times while wishing her there. I knew then and there, I would never be too old to need the comfort of my mother. Oh... if I could just feel her tender touch, I know I would feel better. I yearn for her.

I'm on my third day since coming home from the hospital. I've had extreme nausea, and can hardly get the antibiotics down. But the days are getting a little better. Food is tasting a little better. I'm on a soft diet. And, as much as I love water, it, too, has been a little hard for me to swallow. But it's a little better today, too. Today is the first day getting back on the computer. I even think I will try and read a little today. 

There is always a lesson to be learned from our experiences. I've been in a fog the last month and am not sure what it is that I need to learn. But I hope I do so I never have to come to this dark place again in my life.

On a brighter note, two very sweet and thoughtful daughters, disinfected and cleaned my entire house before I came home from the hospital. Top to bottom. Even the baseboards. And it's a BIG house... almost 8000 square feet. It was so overwhelming when I walked in the house to see the sparkle and shine bounce off the wood floors and counters. The house smelled so fresh and clean. Everything perfect. Everything in order. My husband said he was going downstairs. I said... "I think I'll cry! And I did! The greatest gift a mother could have is good, thoughtful children. A nurse had commented on the good deed, and wondered why they would come without being asked. My daughter's response....

You raised me mom!

So, you can imagine the overwhelming gratitude I felt in my heart when I opened up the door to my house that had been so lovingly scrubbed. Just because they love their mother!

writing prompt #3: The last time you were sick...

Water

Even from the age of a very small child, I have always loved lying on thick, plush grass, looking up at the clouds, and listening to water run down a ditch bank. It was the perfect setting for day dreaming and scheming up the next big adventure. 

The sound of water is so soothing. Even therapeutic. We planned for a waterfall as part of the landscape at the new house. It's been many years since the days of my youth, but the sound of running water, to this very day, provides an escape into a world of day dreaming, adventure and scheming. 

Explore

I've been snowed in for awhile, and was starting to get cabin fever. So, today I went outside to get some sunshine and take in some fresh air (or rather, inversion!). The snow was picture pretty. I decided to do some exploring. Even in the freezing winter months there is always something interesting to see. And, that I did!

Looking down the driveway, I am reminded of why I love where I live. It's beautiful in any season! I love the bare branches of the cherry trees against the white blanket of snow and gray covered sky.

The snow is up to the bottom edge of the landscape light. When dusk comes and the lights turn on, the glow from the bulb underneath the snow gives off a softly hidden cast of light. It looks magical. 

I wander down the driveway a little farther. What is this? Deer tracks. Lots of them. And, it looks like they have made some beds to lay in. 

I follow the the tracks around the house.

They have even come around to the front of the house!

I trace the tracks to the orchard. The deer have come off the foot hills and mountain above our home in search of food. They won't find much here. Although, they will eat the bark off of the new trees if we don't protect them with wire cages.

More tracks and beds found on the second tier of the yard.

A broader picture

What started out as 7 discovered beds in the yard have now expanded to 15. The word must have got out! The deer are gone before I get up in the morning, so I haven't seen them firsthand. Maybe I will surprise them tonight!

I haven't seen icicles in awhile. I was happy to see them hanging from the eaves of the house. When I was young, one of my favorite things to do in the winter was to break off the biggest icicle I could find under the eaves of the house, and lick it like a popsicle. Knocking the icicles down and hearing them clang against each other as they came crashing to the ground, gave me thrill. 

After all my winter exploring, I came in the house to a warm fire and started thinking about all the exploring that awaited me in the Spring. I can't wait!

If you have ever visited southern Utah, you know you are in God's country. There are red rocks, huge canyons and gorges, rivers, caves and crevices to explore, and never ending trails to take you to places you never thought imaginable. It is home to National Parks, including Zions National Park, Bryce Canyon, the Great Escalante Staircase, the Grand Canyon, Arches, and much more. Spring Canyon, located a few miles southeast of Cedar City provides plenty of exploring opportunities. While going to school in Cedar City, my youngest daughter and her husband made the weekends into exploring trips. I went as often as I could. Exploring southern Utah is nothing short of exhilarating! 

Spring Canyon

writing prompt: Choose  a word and let it inspire a blog post. I chose #1 Explore.

Walking

The author of the quote goes on to say...

....it is the one way to freedom. If you go to a place on anything but your own feet you are taken there too fast, and miss a thousand delicate joys that were waiting for you by the way side.                               

                                                                         Elizabeth von Arnim, The Adventures of Elizabeth in Rugen

The picture above was taken in 2008. Husband took a 2 week [rest and relaxation] from war duties in Iraq, and we met in Germany to explore Europe. The wooden path leads to the famous Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany. 

I couldn't agree more with the quote by Elizabeth von Arnim. If you don't walk, meander, wander, whatever you want to call it... you miss out on the beauty that is so abundantly ours for the taking. I love nothing more than walking up a canyon in the Autumn time underneath a carpet of colorful leaves. Or, in the Summer, walking down the sidewalk in my neighborhood and taking in the sights that make up my community. Or walking down a quiet country road in the Spring, witnessing the miracle of newness and watching new born calves frolic in green pastures.

Walking time is therapy time. There are many people who like to walk with someone else. Walking with my daughters, when the opportunity arises, is a treat. But... I do love to walk alone. Some of my most creative and inspirational thoughts, ideas, solutions to problems, etc. come in those quiet moments of walking... alone!  I feel more gratitude in my heart, I am more positive, and it makes me feel good all over. 

Some things never change

It took some digging to find a picture of myself ten years ago. Digital pictures did not start until 2006. Anyway, for me. I found a picture that is striking similar to a recent picture. Wouldn't you know!

Ten years ago I was a fairly new grandma.  I've added several more since then. And I love them all! Grandmothering is a very good place to be in. There's so many wonderful things to do... like:

play at the park.

picnic at the park.

take lots of pictures.

give lots of hugs and kisses, and I love you's!

watch ball games.

attend Grandparent's Day at school.

have movie day.

push them in swings.

watch their talents grow by attending meets and recitals.

watch them learn to swim.

buy them things (I guess that means spoil them once in awhile!)

go on Day Adventures.

make cookies.

get messy with paint.

take them to preschool.

watch them learn to walk, ride a bike, lose their first tooth.

You get the picture!  Today, I'd rather not think about the ways I've changed. I'll pretend I haven't aged a bit!

                                                   May 2012

A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty. author unknown

writing prompt #5: Find a photo of yourself taken 10 years ago and display it on your blog along with a current photo. How have changed since the day that photo was taken?

January

The header above sums up January. Snow! And we need it. I took this picture of my grand children putting the finishing touches on Mr. Snowman. He makes a nice addition to their front yard don't you think!

Opportunity

A one word theme to live by was one of the hardest things I have had to come up with.

Resolutions are much easier. You think of a goal you want to accomplish, write it down, make a plan, and follow through (hopefully). Resolutions are specific in nature. A one word theme can encompass a myriad of possibilities... a much more challenging task.

I decided to rise to Mama Kat's challenge and choose a one word theme to live by for 2013. After much thought... after all, it's for an entire year, I decided to dedicate myself to a year of...

Op.por.tu.ni.ty 

Opportunity is defined as - a set of circumstances with uncertain outcome, requiring commitment of resources and involving exposure to risk.

I broke the definition down even further to fully understand what I was getting myself into. 

Circumstances - details surrounding a situation, or a condition that causes something to occur.

Commitment - dedication, application; act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself; pledge, promise, obligation, responsibility

Resources - stock or supply of money, materials, staff, and other assets (skills, knowledge, etc.) that can be drawn on by a person or organization in order to function. 

Risk - a situation involving exposure to danger, harm, or loss.

Opportunity can present itself in many forms: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, personal, financial. It could take me in any direction. 

When reflecting on last year, 2012, I want to put it behind me and never go there again (if I can help it). It was a year filled with surgery and illness. That, in itself, propels me to think of opportunities for improving my health. 

And there's something else. I have the opportunity to learn something new and challenging that is completely outside my comfort zone. Something I promised my mother I would do before she passed away. I promised to look after her genealogy and continue researching the family line. I started last year by organizing family histories, scanning old family photos, slides and negatives onto cd's to share will family members, and making a copy of my mother's family (sibling) history book for relatives. It was a big job! Mom is counting on me to continue and do much more. 

My mother's side of the family nominated me as the permanent Historian for the family. Thanks to my mother's dedication and transferring of responsibility to me! I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I so readily accepted her request just before she passed. I am quite intimidated by the name Historian. What does that really mean? Mom's family is large (she was the 9th child out of 11). I can think of other family members who could do a much better job. But, I'm it! And that's just one side to it. The research... overwhelming! I'm starting a new Family History class this week that will hopefully put me on the track to researching with confidence.

Improving my health and continuing my mother's quest for family research are two big opportunities staring me in the face this year. But, there are also the small, everyday opportunities that will, inevitably  present themselves every day of the year. It's one thing to vegetate, and it's another thing to do! This year I will look for the opportunities, great or small, to change myself and those around me for the better. This is going to be a great year, I can already tell! 

writing prompt #1: Instead of a resolution, some people choose a theme word to live by for the year. Choose a word for 2013 and tell us why you chose it.