WINTER

Winters have always been interesting and quite unpredictable in the state of Utah, where I live. Granted, we are known for "the greatest snow on earth", where the snow seems to pile up in the mountains... bringing adventure to snow bound thrill seekers and skiers. But in the valley, we can get a wide range of weather patterns.

Below the rugged peaks of the Wasatch Mountains in northern Utah, the winter months range anywhere from drought and warmth, to ice and freezing temperatures. Sometimes the snow comes and goes as fast as it falls. But if we settle into a cold spell, like this year, it will linger longer, giving ample opportunities to build a snowman, ice skate, watch icicles form, and even shovel snow! 

I combined two writing prompts to this week's post. I went back into my photo archives to see what winter was like, starting in 2008. This gave me a glance of what our winter's have been like over an eight year stretch. And as contrasting as they were from year to year, I was not a bit surprised! This is what Winter looks like in my neck of the woods.

2008 - lots of snow! back yard in home town

2009 - winter rain, front yard in town

2010 - the snow is piling up! front yard in town

2011 - a beautiful winter morning from my balcony, on our farm in the country

2012 - a warm, sunny Groundhog's Day

2013 - freezing temps, beautiful icicles form on the eaves of our house

2014 - Springlike weather. A bird's nest remains intact, 

a reminder how mild the winter months have been this year.

2015 - Warm enough for the kids to run around the yard. It was 53 degrees F.

2016 - A long, cold winter. It's bringing the deer 

down from the mountains in search of easier access to food. These deer tracks are only a couple feet away from the front door of the house. With each passing day, we see more signs of them making beds underneath the maple trees. 

Some things never change... Winters in Utah are unpredictable, but always beautiful!

The only thing that has changed is that we moved from the town to the country. And, to me,

that was a very good move!

Mother, I Need You!

Time passes quickly in life. Too quickly. My mother has been gone for over 4 years now. But your mother is always your mother! Sometimes it is only she who can provide the comfort that comes from being sick, feeling afraid, and experiencing heartbreak. Only she can dry your tears, rock you in her arms, hug you, and whisper in your ear that everything will be ok. It doesn't matter how old you are, or if your mother is here or not, sometimes you just need her. And no one else. 

That has been the case with me lately. Since my mother's passing, I have lost a daughter and a son, as well. Stress and illness have taken a toll on me. I long and yearn for my mother's comfort and hugs. My father was always a strength with wise words of wisdom, but mother always knew how to console and comfort. A gentle touch of her loving hand on mine let me know I could make it through this, too. In my deepest and darkest hours, I want to cry out... "mother I need you!" Even though I can't hear her, I often feel her near. And my memory takes me back home. Back home to mother, when I was young.

Like most children, sometimes I stayed home from school from an illness (real or not), and mother always made our day together special. She nursed me, pampered me, and covered me up in blankets as I lie on the sofa. She often put the back of her hand across my forehead to check for a rising temperature. Oh... how she cared for me! I felt loved. It was only her and I! Being home with mom on a school day with no one else was the best treat ever. And, she made the best lunch ever! Tuna fish and pickle sandwiches on toasted bread, smothered with butter. Home bottled peaches or pears were the perfect accompaniment. Sometimes she would surprise me with potato chips and a banana. 

Now that I can't call my mother and hear her soothing words and feel her comforting arms around me, I make myself a toasted tuna fish and pickle sandwich and open a bottle of homemade pears or peaches. It brings me comfort. It takes me back home where I feel wrapped in the arms of her love. Oh... how I love and miss my mother!

The Perfect Mother

An Angel kissed my cheek today,
He said "I love you Mom, I'm ok." 
At first I thought I was dreaming,
Until I saw a bright light beaming.

I heard him whisper in my ear,
I've come to get a few things clear.
I know you worry you did something wrong,
I know how hurt your heart is Mom.

I see your tears when others do not,
I hear over and over your same thought. 
You think somehow, some way or another,
you should have been a better mother.

Please feel my presence here today.
Please believe me when I say,
For me there could be no other.
For me YOU are the Perfect Mother!

Don't you remember? Don't you see?
I chose you and you chose me!
Remember Mom, we chose together.
Our perfect love will last forever!

My Son, My Angel.... Steven 

1983 - 2015

I am changed... forever. I'm carving out my 'new normal' moving forward in a world without two of my best friends... my children. Steven and Shaniel.

Life is not the same as I remember it not so long ago. It's different without children you bore, raised, and loved their entire lives. Just under 3 years apart, both were 32 years of age at the time of passing. Both left small families behind (my son, his wife). And a grieving mother. A father. And siblings. Countless family members and friends. My heart has been shattered for the second time in less than 3 years. Not everyone will understand who reads this... but someone, somewhere... just may. My heart goes out to them.

In any given moment, the reality of losing two children will hit me like a freight train and leave me feeling broken... both body and soul. I am left wondering how can I go on? It's FAITH !  One simple word whispers quietly, yet with conviction, in my ear... and, with courage and new strength, I pick myself up and carry on. It's in our Savior's atonement that I find peace, comfort, hope, faith, healing, forgiveness, and love. And I know my two precious children... my Angels, are able to do the same. Perfect Love binds us together. Perfect Love is eternal. And I am forever changed.

...until we meet again.