Domestic Violence Myths

Ap·a·thy - lack of interest or concern. 

Apathy is as destructive as ignoring the harmful, life-changing and ill effects of domestic violence. It is a personal and public health issue effecting individuals, families, communities, and country. I am sad that it happened in our family. I am sad that I no longer have my daughter, Shaniel, to share life with. I am sad that domestic violence is now part of my life, my family's life.

I promise to share what I have learned through this tragedy to help prevent it from happening to someone else. I promise to do my part to help educate and bring awareness to this sickness that is creeping into our homes and sweeping the country. I promise to help those who feel alone and isolated in their situations. I promise to share a message of hope and deliverance.

A week before Shaniel was killed, she called me. She was crying. She needed a hug. She felt so alone. Oh.. how I wanted to reach my arms through the phone and give her a hug. I panicked that I could not race down the street and sweep her up in my arms and sooth her aching and broken heart. I cried with her. I listened to her sobs. I told her I loved her. Oh, how I loved her. She was ready to leave her husband. He never let her. Maybe we could not have changed the tide of her tragic death, but we could have been more aware of the signs, more educated, and had a list of ready resources available to help during this critical time of decision.

Please, read the article on Domestic Violence Myths. I posted it on ShanielsStory.Blogspot.com. (link in page bar above) Or you can link to the article below.

http://www.oregonlive.com/…/heartsick_elias-case_judge_tak.….

NO MORE APATHY!

In loving memory

Shaniel Kaye Oliver Donaldson

1980-2013

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Remembering our beautiful Angel Shaniel.... click Here or on the link in the tabs section above. 

And click Here to read about her gift that keeps on giving.

A Life Taken

She had the most mischievous smile! Her eyes so big and full of expression. You wondered what this little girl would think up next! 

We soon gave this little girl a nick name of "Tigger" because she was always bouncing, jumping, twirling  tumbling, and flying through the air. She may have been little, but she was spunky! We gave her another nick name... "Shaniely Pooh". It just seemed to fit her. 

Shaniel was our third child, and third daughter, born into the family. She was quiet. She was good. She was a peacemaker. Not only with her brother and sisters, but with friends, as well. Shaniel was a friend to everyone. She was a happy little girl. She was optimistic and positive and always saw the best in people. She was very dependable and responsible as a young girl, and was a sought after babysitter at the age of 10. She loved babies and always had one on her hip.

Shaniel grew into a beautiful young woman. However, she was a typical teenager, and things were not always as they should be. Some of her choices led her down another path, other than what her mother would have liked. She ended up marrying a young man that came from a good family... involved in church and community, and unfortunately that blinded my sense of concern for the most part.

But, signs of abuse started at the onset of their marriage. There was nothing physical, but we knew she was being mistreated in the things he said, the way he controlled her and the finances, and how he tried to isolate her from family and friends. He threw temper tantrums and often tore the house upside down and made Shaniel clean it all back up. He often threatened suicide and harming others. Many other warning signs were surfacing. We expressed our concerns over his ever increasing bad behavior. 

In spite of the challenges in her marriage, Shaniel pressed forward with determination and persistence to make things better. She focused on the good things. On her children. She went back to school and got her degree in nursing. She had two children at the time and became pregnant once again... with twins. Even being on bed rest for the last two months didn't stop her. The next year she graduated at the top of her class and became an R.N. Her career took her into the home health field where she cared for the sick and elderly... and those who were homebound. She soon became a well beloved nurse in the community. Her patients loved her. She was tender and compassionate and became fast friends with those she took care of. 

Shaniel was in the middle of a promising future. She was taking care of the family financially. She loved her children and provided opportunities for them to participate in sports and musical ambitions. She attended all their school activities, concerts, and games. She played with them and took them on adventures. She loved family and often made the 3 hour drive to be a part of family activities. Shaniel loved her salsa garden, flowers, her yard, and hiking and camping in the outdoors. Shaniel was fascinated with building things. She never used a blueprint or followed instructions. She just built it! She was persistent and determined in every aspect of her life. She was loyal and trustworthy. She had a witty and humorous personality. She was someone you loved to be around... always smiling and laughing. Her laugh was contagious. She was brave and courageous. She never let on that things were as hard, at home, as they really were. She protected her husband. She protected her children.  

Shaniel was making a difference in her life, personally. She was blossoming.  On the other hand, her husband was on a downward spiral. Maybe it was depression.. but it soon led to his dismissal at work. He couldn't cope with life. Shaniel spent countless hours over several years taking him to one psyc after another trying to get to the bottom of  "whatever it was." It was always the same result.... nothing!  Was it a game he played in his own mind or with her's?  All I know is that we knew something was wrong, and finally, Shaniel started to accept it for the way it really was. Sometimes it just can't be fixed.

Shaniel had become emotionally drained from the mental, emotional, and verbal abuse he put her through over so many years. She had become concerned for the emotional welfare of the children. After much thought and planning, she decided to leave him. Saturday, she told him she was leaving on Monday. He never let her. Sunday, he killed her. 

In loving memory of my beautiful daughter. 

My angel... Shaniel 

March 4, 1980 - February 10, 2013 

My sweet daughter had so much to live for. Her tragic death has been far reaching and wide. It has affected her family, her children, and all who knew and loved her. I miss her every single day and wish I could hug her and tell her I love her just one more time. Though, I am grateful and comforted in knowing I will one day see her again.

If someone you know is being abused, please speak up, do anything you can to get them out of the situation. Someday, they will thank you, and another precious life saved from the harmful and tragic effects of abuse.

My daughters and I have started a Shaniel's Story facebook page in support of Domestic Violence Awareness. Please visit us at https://www.facebook.com/Shanielstory.

Writers prompt #3: October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Inspired by Carol a blog friend hosting a walk, in honor of her daughter Shaniel who recently lost her life due to Domestic Violence.  

Hosted by 

Celebrating Life!

Balloons. They come in many sizes, shapes, and colors. They can include specific messages of happy birthday, congratulations, baby announcements, etc. We use balloons to celebrate events, special occasions, and life!

Celebrating a Life well lived

In February, we buried a daughter. It was under the most tragic of circumstances. After the funeral and graveside service, friends and relatives came together and released purple (her favorite color) and white balloons in honor of her life. Even though Shaniel was only 32 years old, it was a celebration of a life well lived. She was so full of life, fun, energy, love, and compassion. She was a daughter, wife, mother, friend, and nurse. She touched many lives and was loved by all who knew her. I love and miss my beautiful Shaniel.

Celebrating an Accomplishment

Earlier this month, we celebrated our youngest daughter's first Triathlon. She swam, she biked, she ran...in honor of her sister, Shaniel. The triathlon was dedicated to mothers, therefore called "TriathaMom". Balloons were everywhere! They were at the cheering carnival, along the trail, and at the finish line. They were bold and colorful. The triathlon was an event that called for CELEBRATION!

The events were Swim. Bike. Run. Daughter A made us proud! She came in 8th place overall in her age group. She was the 3rd fastest swimmer out of 300 participants. 

finish line

the kiddos join mama on the last 500 yards of the run

the results are in... job well done!

So... we celebrate life in different ways. Balloons, in all their colors and shapes, are the visual reminder of WHO and WHAT we are celebrating. 

And I am very certain that Shaniel was looking down from above celebrating the accomplishment of baby sister A... along with the rest of us. 

Writing prompt #3: Write a post that incorporates the word: balloon